The Plump Journal

Here's another story from not so long ago. When I was ten years younger, I thought to myself that at 28 I will be successful. Scratch that, I thought at 28 I have a career, I have settled down, marriage, kids and all the works. Well, it doesn't work that way.

At 28 I realized, I didn't mature enough, or maybe still not mature enough. It feels like I just added one more year to my age and the confusion of what is adulthood still running in my head. Was it having a good paying career that you enjoy? A few savings despite drinking your night out every Friday or your weekend out of town trips? A stable relationship? Everything is full of crap!

I don't know about you but for me and some people I know, there's no "good paying career that you enjoy", there's just a 'good paying career' and a 'career that you enjoy', and this are two separate things.

The industry I belong pays well but you really have to WORK to have that kind of salary. I do enjoy my job but there is something tiring about it that I cant point out. I am confused myself don't worry. I also tried something that I enjoy but bullshit, there's not enough money coming and Im losing too much.

I hope in the future I can have that "good paying career that I can enjoy" or at least say I am satisfied with my career and that I enjoy it.

And savings? I have a few penny on my bank account. You went out every Friday? You go to weekend trips? You dine out most of the time? You shop new clothes, shoes, a new lipstick? There is no way your going to save enough, believe me. Thank God for my mom's lessons engrave in my head; "You have to save", and "Set aside a few penny from your salary" its like a song on repeat every time I use my card and so I did save a few penny.

Then there are relationships I approach defending on the situation. With friends, I have the best one's, the occasional or the so called social friends, the colleagues kind of friends etc. The best one's are those I've known for a very long time, we don't meet nor talk as much as we do but whenever we have time, its as if the years we've been apart are nothing.

The occasional or the so called social friends are those you meet online those who share the same passion/hobby as you, those you meet on events and seminars, those introduced by friends and so you became sort of friends, those you follow on social media and sort of become friends because you know what they eat that day or where they are spending their holiday etc.

Your colleagues are also friends, some are "friends", "teammate thus become a friend" and most office friends you just act civil but still considers friend. I don't know.

On the other hand boyfriends! Well, I did have some when I was younger and not yet busy, come to think of it, I haven't have one, neither entertained one in the last three years since my breakup. I meet a couple of guys from time to time since my breakup but the more numbers are added to my age, the more I seem to hesitate to enter another relationship.

When I was in high school I thought he was the one and that we would last until I get old and wrinkly. We didn't even last mid term exams.

I entered another relationship around second year of college, we were serious but we just suddenly come to terms that we are better off as good friends, and honestly, he became a really good friend.

And then there was my third and last boyfriend, I meet him at a bookstore I frequent. That was during my last semester in college. After my OJT shift I would drop by to a bookstore near my school to wait for my last subject. I was browsing some new titles on the romance section and felt like someone is looking at me, and there he was all smiles and clad in a long sleeve polo, slacks, black leather and glasses. He was already working at that time and I was mesmerize. I can still remember the warmth spreading throughout my face and thought that will be the last time I will have a glance of that hunk, turns out we will eventually meet a couple more time on that side of the bookstore.

Our relationship last for five years but things got messy. We want to think it was both our fault.

So what did I learned? I realized that first boyfriends doesn't mean to be your last and most of the time at this age you are too childish to even keep the friendship. If you cant keep the relationship going, have a moment to talk about it and see if you can remain friends, it will take time before you can face each other as friends but its worth the try. Relationships, no matter how long you've been together will sometimes face a challenge, you have to face this battle alone and then together and accept that there are wars that you really cant win.

Family. This relationship becomes hard when it starts to grow. Siblings for example, when we are young, we get annoyed on simple things like not sharing toys or candies. Borrowing clothes, bags and shoes without telling the other person - younger sister, anyone-. Not helping the young one's with the subjects your good at but they aren't. That kind of stuff.

But as we get older, although we don't fight much and still bicker over simple things like kids, adult problems are unavoidable. One example and honestly the only thing Im currently annoyed and happy is having a sibling-in-law.

Someone you don't grow up with and only meet for a very numbered occasions for the past few years can be messy and confusing. At some point we are in good terms, I mean really really really good terms and then suddenly that person wont talk to you. One time you are on social media and coincidentally saw that persons latest post and it seems like its about you and the members of your family. What the fuck right?

Anyway, that's life and I am not someone who likes confrontations especially to someone who posts their personal problems on social media.

When I turned 28 I have a mixed-up feeling of rainbows and butterflies, of gray skies and spiders and a lot of things.

Let me tell you my 2016 story; I was employed at the start of the year, remember my story of being jobless at 27? Well, I got a job offer sometime around December.

I was so happy, imagine being holed up in your room on your own for almost a year, working for eight to twelve hours depending on the number of clients or projects I take, that's freelancing for you. Im not regretting that, I meet a few new faces thru Skype, learned new things about the industry I belong thru constant online meetings and seminars held by the company Im working.

Anyway, so I was employed, started working on the first working day of January, meet new colleagues and become a part of a quirky but cool team. Months pass and honestly, I don't think its going to work. I love the community, I love my teammates but my tasks are going in circles, the client I was working with wants us to do tasks that are no longer working, we would suggest new things but then again, go back to where we started. But since I love the working community I continued with the hope that things will get better. It did not.

And now here I am again, back to being a freelancer. The good thing is, I learned something, God probably wants something else from me.

Let me share you the Letter I found on a Facebook Page that completely sums up what I feel at 28.

You’ve spent so many years looking forward to this phase of your life. And it always looked so cool. So glamorous. So filled with love and laughter.

Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but.

It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts and overflowing laundry bags. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. And life is no longer what it seemed.

Different people are doing different things.

Your best friend’s getting married. Your old classmate is killing it with success. Your ex is happy in love. Your old mate is drowning in drugs. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just existing. You’re getting through everyday a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all.

You spend your Friday evenings holed up in a corner because you’re too responsible to drink your night away. Too control freakish to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow, this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. Loneliness wraps around you like a blanket you love and you wonder where you went wrong. Why you became different to everyone else.

“Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Was there a reason why it was never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Alone? Unsuccessful? Filled with dreams that never come true?”

And your hands reach out to your phone. One text. One call. To that someone who might make you feel pretty. Who might make you feel important. And your need takes over.

The need to feel accepted. To feel appreciated. To feel adored. To feel loved.

And it is so strong, you forget your sanity for a few minutes of flattery. You lessen your worth for dishonest words. The hurt in your heart, camouflaged. If only for a few seconds.

But it’s never enough. And when you wake up, it’s worse. The hammering of your heart so loud in your ears. A memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again.

You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself.

And in that moment, read these words:

Breathe. It’s not so bad. You think I don’t understand. But I do. Because I’m there, too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards a friend in love.

Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do.

So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop. Don’t stop loving with all you have. Don’t stop wishing on every shooting star. Don’t stop dreaming of fairy tales and being as amazing as Malala Yousafzai. You might not always get there, but don’t stop.

You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be read. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again.

So don’t waste it wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to your self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Use everyday. And I don’t mean spend thousands of dollars and visit the North Pole. I know how you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk with nature. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Watch a movie. Write your novel. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been’s.” Take chances.

And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone.

There is time to let your life revolve around someone else. But today, let it revolve around you.

Not because you can’t find someone. Not because you can’t be loved.

But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

Breathe. There's still a lot of time.

You’re going to be alright.

- Poornima Baskar

As they say "Im perfectly imperfect". Hoping for a great future ahead of me.

- Jae Rustia

In my 27, almost 28 years of experience in life, from time to time I would still question what I learned, or if I ever did learn something (to think I have a BS - does not stand for bullshit - degree in Information Technology).

I would usually stumble upon topics about the things they learned from their mother's and I was like, yeah, I learned a few useful things in life from my mom. Now having some free time at work, I decided to finally put it in print. Hope you like it, this is going to be a crazy ride.

The first thing I probably learned - more like remember - is about good hygiene.

When I was young, maybe around five, six years old, I really hate brushing my teeth right after a meal. It feels disgusting, the feeling of wanting to throw-up is so strong I would usually choke. But then, I have no choice, its either I brush my teeth or experience some serious spanking.

My brushing routine starts right after I finished my meal, my mom would tell me to "brush your teeth, you're going to be late for school", in her normal tone, and I will ignore her. When she realized that I'm not moving, she would start yelling at me "brush your teeth, you're going to be late for school". Same line, different tone, no choice man, she's mad, gotta brush my teeth or I'll be spanked.

The next thing I know, it becomes a habit to brush my teeth after every meal. Now at almost 28, I only got 4 minor dental filling procedure. Thanks Ma!

Hmm, what else, aside from taking a bath every day, in my case twice daily, changing undies, yes, change your undies twice daily.

The patience during your girl time.

One thing about being a girl is your monthly PERIOD. It is that hellish days/week where all you want to do is eat, sleep, cry and strangle someone all at the same time. Talk about mood swings.

When girls have that "time of the month" thing, we are so moody we just want to kill anyone who would trigger that killing mode. For me, the first few months of experiencing it is so explainable. I have cramps, i bruised easily, I want to eat and eat and eat, and I have that really bitchy mode (the first time I had my period is probably one of the most sweetest moments that ever happened, here's the story about it.)

My mom is very patient in explaining things to me. The proper use of sanitary pads (yes, i am using pads, I am not really comfortable with tampons). How to do this and that. What to do, what not to do, why do it and why avoid it.

So far, having my monthly menstrual cycle is still as painful, as mood wrecking as the first time, but I think its more manageable in a sense that you know what to expect.

How to Act as a Lady:

Picking Your Clothes for Every Occasion + Hair and Make-up + Bags and Shoes, in short, the girly stuff.

I was the T-Shirt and Jeans kind of girl, I still do, but when I was around sophomore High school, the school already allowed us to wear casual clothes and it would be disgusting to still wear your uniform, the girls in my grade wore dresses and stilettos while I remain the nerdy girl until JS Prom. No one asked me except for the dorks (sorry dude, I may look like a dork but spare me, no offense dorky guys, I have my own nerdy style).

If you're wondering if I transform into a lovely swan, NO, I did attend the JS but I'm with my friends, I wore a black cocktail dress, a stiletto which I swear never to wear one again - at least during that time - , I look good, but maybe not good enough for the "in kids" to ask me for a dance, so I dance with my friends.

This event made me slightly style conscious, you know the saying “You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure”, slowly I started to change my style, I wore the dresses my mom bought for me years ago, which surprisingly still fits me. I learned how to mix and match then she would lend me her gloss, she'd fix my hair, that kind of stuff.

When I enter college I already knew how to dress, how to apply everyday light make-up, the before sleeping routine etc. I started collecting bags and cute - well sexy - underwear. And if your thinking I became the campus babe, no, I'm still the same old me, only better.

At present I have a huge collection of lipsticks, bags and shoes - some items, courtesy of my mom, Love you Ma!.

P.S.

Don't think about about what the society thinks about you, it's hard, I know, I still do it sometimes, but the more you acknowledge this societal issues or what the people around think about you the more it affects you, just be yourself, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable, but this doesn't mean your not going to follow certain dress codes okay.

She introduced me to a different universe

She loves collecting books of different genre's, she loves watching documentaries, she loves talking about current events, world issues, etc. I am so updated with everything, my imagination opened really wide, I can understand a lot of things at an early age.

I'm not saying I'm the intelligent kid, maybe the kid who reads a lot, who can give her inputs on current issue's, who can answer some uncommon questions, who asks questions about uncommon topics, who knows what's happening in the world and through little things, contributed something to at least help.

Cooking and other household chores

In our household, my dad and both my brothers knows how to cook simple dishes - like anything fried or boiled and toasted bread, he he he -, you can also ask them to clean the house or do the laundry (sometimes), basically you can depend on them in terms of cooking and cleaning the house once in a while.

It's different for me though, as a girl and the oldest, I have to learn how to cook or when my parents leave for some events, me and my siblings would starve to death or get obese with too much fast food intake and the house will look like a dumpsite.

I was also fond of watching my mom when she is working in the kitchen, - my mom is really my super hero -. I would usually help her with small stuff, like mixing the batter for pancakes, and the next thing I know, I can already bake some cookies with her help, I can cook simple dishes – not as good as chef's, but edible enough.

Managing my Finances

When I was in high school, my mom told me she had opened a bank account for me and my other siblings right after we were born, she would religiously put small amounts monthly and although the money was later used to buy a lot and build our home, it was engraved in my system, that no matter how huge your income is, you have to save-up.

Another amazing thing about my parents is that when they had me, my dad is still taking review classes for the civil engineering license exam, he was working, preparing for the license exam, being a father and a husband all at the same time. My mom told me that during those times, my dad receives very little salary, barely enough for a family of three and yet she can still save up little by little.

I remember that when I was in elementary, my mom would always tell me to set aside a dollar and save it. Then after getting my first job, she never failed to remind me to save up. So far I have a little savings.

Thinking about it now, I did learn quite a lot.

I'll update this post whenever I remembered or learned something new from her.

Often times, the media bombards us with images of perfect bodies of actresses, models and even the social media wasn't a big help to the body positive community by using hashtags that goes like #PerfectBeachBody showing bikini clad ladies that looks like Victoria's Angels.

Another thing that somehow bother me are the #PostBabyBody being posted that has nothing to do with having a baby and being fit and healthy after giving birth, or any other issues that surrounds or experienced by new moms, the netizen's are even posting their own take - both good and bad - on this body issues.

What's worst is that this is not just women related issues, even men experience body shaming.

This images and comments hurts not only the body positive community, but what's more bothering is that the younger generation is thinking that those images indeed are the ideal one's when the fact is, it's not actually about having that perfect body but more of being fit and healthy, be it if your on the heavier side, average side, normal side, well let's not categorize this, it's just you no matter what size you are in.

Recently, the news about athletes and models body shaming fellow athletes and models scatter throughout the social media and I was like, why do you have to do that? Do you know what she's been through, or what she's currently experiencing about her body? She's having a war within herself, and there you are with that thick-skin you are in, body shaming her on social media where everything is open to everyone?

If those influential people who we look up to does that kind of thing to another famous person, how would you react? Well apparently, netizen's are posting their own body shaming comments, and very few would say a good thing. That's how sad the society we currently live in is.

Is being above average really that bad, and what is average, do we really need a label? You know, being thin doesn't mean your healthy, and being fat doesn't mean your unhealthy and if being fit and healthy means extreme dieting methods, spending 23 hours in a gym and protruding rib cages, no thank you, I'd rather be Fat Amy, if you know what I mean.

Do you still remember your new year's resolution to enter a fitness club, maybe lose a few pounds in a few months just for the heck of having that #PerfectBeachBody for the summer? How many of those who pledge on doing this can you still in the gym? Maybe half, worst case scenario 90% of those who signed up no longer show's up, the reason is simple, the motivation is too shallow.

How many kids are suffering anorexia without them fully understanding what's going on? The pressure the society give's when it comes to that image of #PerfectBody is too much of a burden to those kids. It's like if you are not skinny then you don't fit anywhere, you don't belong, you're being the laughing stock, being bullied by the skinny kids, their self-esteem gets affected, they would no longer want to attend school, they'll be unsocial, and the worst case, the suicide option.

Allow me to remind you again that the perfect body is not based on a fashion model's body, or how big your boobs is, or how plump your butt is. The perfect body is the the kind of body that can handle the societies pressure, a body who doesn't give a fuck to whatever you say.

So please stop body shaming, fat or thin, we all have a war within ourselves. Embrace what God gave you.

“You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, 
someone who thinks about you constantly, 
someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing,
 where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK.

You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. 
You need someone who will treat you with respect, 
love every part of you, especially your flaws. 
You should be with someone who could make you happy, 
really happy, dancing on air happy.”

- A letter from Alex to Rosie

“Our life is made up of time; 
our days are measured in hours, 
our pay measured by those hours, 
our knowledge is measured by years. 

We grab a few quick minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. 
We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. 

And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts 
if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades 
were being spent the best way they possibly could. 

In other words, if you could change anything, would you?”

“Life is funny isn’t it? 
Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, 
just when you finally begin to plan something, 
get excited about something, 
and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, 
the paths change, 
the signs change, 
the wind blows the other way, 
north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. 

It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction. And that’s with following all the signposts”

- Cecelia Ahern, Love, Rosie

“It's funny because when you're a child, 
you believe you can be anything you want to be, 
go wherever you want to go. 

There's no limit to what you can dream. 
You expect the unexpected, 
you believe in magic, 
in fairy tales, 
and in possibilities. 

Then you grow older 
and that innocence is shattered 
and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way 
and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, 
you just might have to settle for a little bit less. 

Or perhaps 
a variation of what you once wanted. 

Why do we stop believing in ourselves? 
Why do we let facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our lives?”

What is happening to me? Weeks before turning twenty-seven I lost my job and now my savings are about to reach its final cents.

I say this is one of the hardest phases of my life. I, a 27 years old, single, jobless and stretching all the limits of my dwindling savings. I’ve been looking at job posting sites trying to look for vacancies sadly there is none that fits my job description/qualification and yes, asking salary. I’ve sent applications for oversees job vacancies and so far one has replied, and it’s a bad news, the others still no updates.

So what do I do now, I’ve been idle for two months. I am in a state of panic, my savings will not last long and I cannot accept that. Kidding aside, I really am in a panic, two months without an income is a really long time for me. Should I lower down my standards? Or better wait for what the future will bring?

A year ago, when I decided to join my friends in establishing a small company, my goals were set hard as stone. There is nothing to lose, but maybe something more to gain but things went rough at some point and we decided to stop for now.

I think we all thought this is not actually the right time (though we actually thought we are good enough, that we are strong enough to collide with the big names in the industry) some have their own priorities some are thinking of walking a different path, I myself is not satisfied. There is something missing, I am not satisfied, so when one accept a job offer somewhere, I thought that’s a sign to drop everything.

But that was two freaking months ago, summer has ended, a new school year has begun, I’ve been to different places this summer skinny dipping, pigging out, partying at every event, socializing with long lost high school friends, spend so much time with my family etc. is there something else that I didn’t do? Or is God preparing something for me? I hope so.

And this blog post is just one of my rants, one hot June evening, where the internet connection is so slow I can’t buffer the Korean Drama I’m currently addicted. Ciao!

There was a post I read a few months ago, it says something about “30 Things Every Women Should Know/Have by the Time She Turns 30”. Reading it, I was like “Oh My Gee! I’m not even half of what the writer wrote. What exactly did I learn this past twenty-seven years of my life?" I am freaking out, and surely some of you feel the same way.

Twenties, thirties, forties, are just numbers that silently tells people “maturity” but honestly, I know some of us are still trying to figure out a lot of things about ourselves.

A month ago, I attended the Grand Alumni Homecoming from my high school. Imagine, after 10 years of not even trying to take a peak of what had happened to my Alma mater and unintentionally cutting most of my ties with my high school friends, a classmate invited me and the whole batch to attend the event as a mark of our 10 years anniversary. Ten freaking years had passed! Can you imagine that?

Anyway, I decided to attend, who wouldn't when almost half of my batch mates started sending friend requests. The hype was probably due to the incoming batch reunion.

I met old friends; learn a thing or two about the “famous” personalities in our batch that has become “unremarkable”, chat with those I didn't get the chance to be close when we were in high school, found out who finished college, had a great career and those who got married right after high school.

The gossips are funny yet irritating at the same time. And when I got home, I started remembering my HS life. During those times I remember setting some goals; 1. To enter a great university, 2. To finish college and 3. Get a job.

I did all those things gracefully, and that was when I realized, everyone is expected to enter college, finish a degree and have a career right after high school. What comes next is the real challenge.

After those four long years of college (in my case it took me five years because I took engineering first then transferred to IT) you landed on a good job, but are you satisfied? No, the reason is because you want to do more things which requires a lot of money, but being a fresh graduate who doesn't have a good working experience in your field means your salary can’t keep up with your lifestyle.

After a year, you got promoted, your pay check increases so does your workload. Now you got more money but no more time. This is where you will learn how to prioritize and how to manage your time.

I know what my priorities are, I want a flourishing career without sacrificing my social life. I learned how to managed my time balancing work, social life, family time and me time. But that is not the case, no matter how good you are at time management, something will suffer.

I don’t know what, I can’t put a name on it, I just realized that I missed out something ten years after graduating from high school.

One day I am a high school student dreaming of becoming a well behaved, well educated, well traveled, knowledgeable woman in her early twenties, the next thing I know, I’m 25, a few more steps at the peak of the corporate ladder but suddenly drops on a slump.

I felt tired, I want to drop everything and just party. I want a new environment like I am an author who’s having a major writers block that needs a new inspiration. Luckily, a former boss invite me to join her team. So I wrote a resignation letter and just drop everything.

New office, new challenge, a great team, an even greater pay check, a workable work load gives me some satisfaction. Everything goes smoothly until the summer I lost my job.

Then I am turning 27 (today is May 08 at exactly 12:04 midnight, a few more days before I turned 27) and I am freaking out. My Facebook account is field with “getting married”, “having babies” updates.

My friends are posting their weekend with their husband/wife and kids. Everyone seems to be celebrating anniversaries, and here I am, a twenty something, a little bit successful, lovely lady with some savings, boyfriend less and jobless.

Dear heavens, what is happening to me?

Quote:

Tuesday came, I had two appointment in two different companies in the same area. The Australian owned company and a European owned company.

The European owned company has a great office and receptionist’s with pleasing personalities, plus the employees looked really professionals, the interviewer wasn’t late, she looks confident, asks great questions and everything went smoothly.

The first half of the interview is getting to know the applicant and your work experience. Questions like why did you leave the company, your previous salary and benefits, etc. will pop. This is also the part where the interviewer gives the applicant summary about the company. The benefits one will receive once he/she becomes part of the team, she also showed me around the office. Their pantry area is superb, the offices/room/floor for each team is great (man, each cubicle is equipped with MAC and some even have gaming consoles, a few offices also has a large television set with surround system) they also had a playroom, in fact their office is like Google’s office in some parts of the world.

The second half is the serious part where I think I did my best, but maybe they are not that impressed, can’t blame them, I don’t have a background on the position I am applying though I know a little bit about it, and they need someone ASAP.

And so, I didn’t get the position, but if one day they opened one that is related to what I do, I will definitely apply again, I am so in love with their working environment. They also said they will call me if a position related to my job opened, I can’t wait for that to happen.

Next, is the Australian owned company. This one is another great catch if you ever got the chance to become a part of their team, their office here is just about right, but they have other offices in Australia, New York, somewhere in Europe and somewhere else I already forgot.

Their staff is well educated, the working environment in professional yet friendly. The interview is a breeze, I didn’t had a hard time, (conceited aren’t we?) maybe because the interviewer is friendly and that he knows what he’s saying, he knows what to ask, maybe we are on the same wavelength.

The interview goes all about the job. I was offered with something exciting and new but is still related to what I do. We didn’t talk about the compensation package, but I know they’ll give what I deserve base on my qualifications and the position I will handle if ever I got in. I can’t wait for their call since at the moment there are other applicants lining up, I hope I got in.

Monday came and I have an appointment with this US based company. It was a hot morning; I had my power suit on, my best shoes, my laptop and my resume. Imagine how much sweat I had that summer morning, I wasn’t late, in fact I was an hour early, but it’s a Monday, every employee seems to be in a rush though it’s still very early.

The building is great, in fact, it was newly built with a nice flowery scent, but I was disappointed when I reached the floor where the company is located, the reception area sucks. The interviewer is late, and when she did come, I was even more disappointed, her questions are the most basic questions I have heard my entire job hunting history and there was a written exam!

For someone who started as an OJT student who then became a proper part of the team when she graduated. Then a year later transferred to an international company and was pirated by one of the most promising company in the industry, I didn't expect this is how it goes, I wasn't applying as a call center (no offense, when I was a fresh graduate I tried applying to a call center and this is how it goes).

When the exam is finished they asked me to wait again (I hate waiting its unproductive), thirty minutes passed, to think there are only three applicants, they called me only to say a call was waiting for me from the head of the team I am applying. You know what the other line said?

What the FUCK!!! You made me wait for half an hour for that. I wasted half my day for that. Assess my qualifications or are my asking salary too high? (I always base my asking salary from what they posted on the employment website, they posted thirty to fifty monthly, I asked in between, and that it’s still negotiable)

Honestly, I know I had a chance. The other applicants seem to not know what they are doing in that area. It’s just that I am too qualified (and too conceited in answering the HR representative's questions, maybe she got annoyed at me, well she came 10 am, the start of office hours are at 8 am, the heck’s with that?) and maybe my asking salary is too high for them I guess.

I just said okay and hang up. I was too irritated and starved at this point there is nothing else I can say. I swore not to return to that company again, it’s very unprofessional, plus telling an applicant that aside from the manager there is no other person who can conduct the interview is stupid, what does this mean? That the manager is the only knowledgeable person in the team? What about the team leader, assistant heads? They are a large company, it’s unbelievable.

I stormed out of their office and went to the nearest mall to grab my late lunch. I swore to review the next company thoroughly.

I lost my job the start of summer. After the holy week season ended, I decided to take a few more weeks of break, let myself breath, think things over, pray.

I felt like I was in the wrong road, I still do, sometimes. Like I was taking the wrong path or made the wrong turn somewhere, I need to take a few deep breaths, do things I want to do, but then again, what do I really want to do? It’s like I am experiencing a midlife crisis, heaven forbid, I’m only on my mid twenteens, but that’s what I actually feel.

Anyway, with my head still not set on what I really wanted, I started to get back on track. The first thing I did is update my profile.

Personal bio doesn’t need updating, contact information still the same, work experience needs to be updated and oh, include another acquired skill.

Then, since my resume is in word format, I need to have another copy in PDF since some companies want a PDF instead of word document format. All set? Upload your file in employment websites and make sure your online profile is also updated.

The following days after I updated my online profile I receive a few calls, some from the industries big names, some startup companies (they say) some unknown to me companies, BPO companies etc. From all the calls and emails I receive I choose five companies to answer and set a job interview.

Let’s start with the big names.

I receive a call from one of the country’s biggest television network. I still remember the day I answered that call, I was taking a bath wet and soapy when my mom told me an unknown number is calling. I decided to answer the call and surprise!, some Aimee from this television network is telling me she saw my profile on an employment site and that I am qualified for a newly opened position in her team and that she is inviting me for a job interview.

Imagine my surprise, It didn’t cross my mind to apply for any kind of position in that network because I know I still lack something, but there was Aimee telling me I am qualified. When I checked my email and saw what she sent, I was tongue tied, super excited while typing my reply.

Next is a US based company whose offices are all over the world. I did apply for the position they posted on an employment website. The reasons are simple, I didn’t need to travel too far and I know the business district too well there won’t be a chance I’ll get lost. There was a good compensation package and lastly, they are industry leaders, meaning, there are many experts where you can learn a thing or two, a fat chance to step up the ladder, get promoted and be sent to another office in another country (hopefully).

Lastly, an Australian owned company. They offer a good compensation package, a flexible time, a smart team, a good working environment and I love their office location, and they offered me a challenging position.

Here’s how it goes.

I know it is going to happen eventually. I can feel it, I saw some signs and yet I didn’t do anything to prevent it.

Okay, first things first, I was a part of a freelance team that provides digital marketing services locally and internationally. The first few months gave all of us a headache but eventually we get the hang of things and everything goes smoothly, after we celebrated our first year things changed.

We didn’t get anymore projects despite our efforts and the good reputation of our company plus the referrals of our clients. When we do close a project, it was just a small one-time type of service. Its bothering all of us, we do have ongoing projects but its just good enough to support the current financial need of the team. I mean if we don’t increase the number of our clients when will we be able to have an office? How can we increase the salary and give additional benefits to our staff and ours, when can we get more people to support the team?

It was after the holy week season. We had a team meeting and over pizzas and pastas one of my teammate drop the bomb. HH, went abroad to work without properly telling us, I’d go ballistic, seriously, but I am a calm person, smile, think over and over before you talk, especially in this kind of situations. So okay, what’s gone is gone, I can feel there is more to it.

Another bomb dropped, MG is getting married, she needs more funds, and she got an offer she cannot refuse. Who am I to prevent her from expanding her horizons?

Therefore, at that lunch table over pasta and pizza, a decision is made; we are splitting for now. I cant manage the company, I don’t have the confidence MG has when dealing with prospective clients, at present I don’t have the strength and qualifications needed to lead the team. Maybe in time we’ll get back on that table and over pizza and pasta we’ll talk about getting the team back on its feet again.

And that is how I lost my job that summer.

Just to make things crystal clear, I don't feel bitter about the things that is happening, just a little bit sad, we've been together as a team for years even before we decided to have our own company. Oh well, our times together maybe cut short since we'll definitely be a part of different companies again, but we're still gonna catch up on each other one way or another.